Through Heaven's Eyes

Yesterday I was able to go to the temple with my littlest sister for the first time. Partly because it had been a while since I had been there myself, and partly because it was her first time it was a more emotional experience than usual. I was humbled by it all really. I am amazed at how quickly the human mind forgets things.

When I was a kid and we would get ants in the summer I would always complain "why do ants even exist?!" When I get bit by mosquitoes and swell up I curse their very existence. I recently have become a very good complainer about the heat, and various other uncomfortable aspects of life that come from pregnancy and being poor.

When I was at the temple I realized something though. Not that I have never thought this before but perhaps not as strong. I am a sinner. I sin, and instead of being struck down every time, I am allowed to sin and take my time and repent and learn from it. If ants and other unpleasant things are what I have to suffer, it seems I am getting the easy way out. I know that Christ suffered for me and because of me at Gethsemane. I know I am not perfect. Yet, he loves me and his grace is sufficient that if I can suffer through these trials I will have everything that I love most in this world with me forever. Jones and C and my little Toby who kicked inside me the whole time we were there.

It is far too easy for me to lose sight of all that. I am going to make a commitment to go to the temple more often so that my focus doesn't get lost on the things of this world. Because when I look at my life through Heaven's eyes it truly is wonderful.

Spoiled on Monday

The wedding is in 5 days and it is starting to be crunch time. I knew this would be the case and so I planned my time as best I could so that when Jones got back we would have some free time to just be together. He got home on saturday and we had a nice date together seeing Star Trek at the theater (awesome) and then dinner with Mateo and Christoff on sunday.
My parents air conditioning is broken and so is theirs so it was a very warm dinner, no wait hot hot dinner, and by the time I got home I felt like I could pass out from the heat. It was only Sunday and I knew I had a long week of ribbons, lemons and flowers ahead of me, how all this was going to be accomplished in the heat I had no clue. I couldn't even sleep.
I woke up Monday, later than I usually do because Jones had gotten up to take care of C bug, and then got breakfast in bed. It was the first time I ate anything but cereal for breakfast in a long time. As we were mapping out our week, Jones put getting a little window air conditioner at the top of the list. I had errands and appointments to go to, and got back exhausted, barely in time for dinner, and as I walked into our room I felt freezing cold air and saw curtains hanging from the windows, freshly vaccumed floors and clothes put away. C's room was also very tidy.
Jones had spent all day working on it, I am not sure what I did to deserve it but it was wonderful. As I went to bed monday night I thanked God for bringing Jones back to me and simple pleasures like bacon and air conditioning.

Jones

My testimony wasn't something that I stumbled upon one day. I don't have a conversion story or a pinnacle moment of change. I have just always known that God lives, that he knows who I am and that he loves me. So for me it was never really a choice, I aready believed.
When it came to love I had a very sensible approach, I knew that although it was a feeling it was also very much a choice, and that if I was going to commit to someone for time and all eternity it was a choice I would have to make everyday of my life, to love him, forever. But then there are those moments, like right now, when it doesn't feel like it is a choice. When I realize I love Jones, with everything that I am. Like I can get by with out him and put on a brave face, but I don't want to.
I have come to terms with the fact that there will be many times in our marriage that we will be seperated for unknown amounts of time. I can see the big picture and know that if we stck with it we will be together forever. But tonight as I lay here all alone, i'll cry myself to sleep and wish he was here.

Mother

Probably the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life, my greatest accomplishment, proudest moment and some of my greatest joys have come from becoming a mother. It isn't til now that I have been able to understand the sacrifice that it is to perform this sacred act. For that I am grateful to my mother, for giving me siblings to grow with, an active imagination, love for my country and knowledge of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. For letting me think I know it all, and encouraging me in my desire to be a mother myself.

Many years of mothers behind me and hopefully many more ahead.

"For this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

This could not be accomplished with out Moms. Thanks.

Craving

Last night before I fell asleep I was checking a few things online first and I saw the picture of the ring, Suddenly I wanted to find lipgloss and toe nail polish to match. Now I am craving it.

Then this morning I saw the pic of the girl, and although I would never pull off this look I love it on her. Lovin the orange lip.

Emily on Love

~
Love is the anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation, and
The exponent of breath.
~

~
I gave myself to him,
and took himself for pay.
The solemn contract of a life
Was ratified this way....

At least 'tis mutual risk,-
Some found it mutual gain;
Sweet debt of life,- Each night to owe,
Insolvent every noon.
~

Emily Dickinson

The Little Girl In Me

"Fireflies"

Faith hill

Before you met me I was a fairy princess

I caught frogs and called them prince And made myself a queen

Before you knew me I traveled 'round the world

I slept in castles and fell in love Because I was taught to dream

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top

To capture Tinkerbell

They were just fireflies to the untrained eye

But I could always tell

I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams like bed sheet sails

And I believe in peter pan and miracles

And anything I can to get by

And fireflies

Before you met me I was a fairy princess

I caught frogs and called them prince

And made myself a queen

Before you knew me I traveled 'round the world

And I slept in castles and fell in love

Because I was taught to dream

Sunshine and Summer Time

It is finally warm enough to swim and C and I are loving it!

Dream Car

Mazda CX-9

I would want it in sliver, but this is there she is. When I dream about Jones having better more permanent work, this is at the forefront of my thoughts. I am weird I know.

Nesting

With nothing to do and lots of used clothing it has been hard for me to not go into nesting mode. With Jones and I unsure of where it is we will be when baby comes it seems like a complete waste of time, and yet there was no stopping me. I got out all my bags of clothes and seperated them into age categories and left all the 0-3 mo stuff out. Altough I love looking at it I can't help but feel like it might not stay there very long. I am very proud of my set up though, and that is encouraging when looking at the fact that we might still be with my parents when Toby J comes.

I hate the idea of not being our own little family and being able to adjust to the new member without people watching us during every moment of it.

Anyways, the pics are just some more little projects, looking at some of the clothes now I can't believe some of them were used and free!