Fuzzy thoughts

Today I feel like Yuch. I am trying to get as much done as I can before we leave for Washington. I am surrounded by tissues and piles of things that have nowhere to go. I successfully found a place for all my baby shower gifts, which I am very proud of. My shower was on Friday and I felt horrible. I have such wonderful friends and family though. They made it a very enjoyable experience and I didn't have to do a thing. It is very reassuring to see my little set up for O grow. Hopefully we will have everything we need by the time she comes. I don't know how much I am going to be able to blog this month since I will be in Washington for most of it but I know I'll have lots to say when I get home. I look forward to my Crazy sisters-in-law, they always spice up my life a little, my mother and father-in-law who always make me feel important and like C is their whole world, and my brothers-in-law, Jones isn't complete without them and suddenly turns into a boy again whenever they are around. I pray that everything goes well and that we wont be a burden on our family, that our money lasts, and that we are just able to enjoy our much needed vacation. And please let me not be sick!

In a little over a week our little family is traveling north to visit Jone's family in Washington. We are all very excited for the trip although we will miss our friends down here.

We decided t0 brave riding the train home instead of flying. That's right 33 straight hours on a train with bug, we must be crazy, but it is something Jones and I have wanted to do since we met and now seemed as good a time as any. I have all these ideas in my head of what a train ride should be and this probably wont be anything like it but I am determined to enjoy the experience and make a great memory out of it.

Pleasnt Sunday

Yesterday was a really beautiful day. We have been enjoying awesome weather here in California and it is really nice to have some relief from all that heat. We were invited to dinner at a freinds and Jone's rode his bike there. On the way home C and I drove along side him and C loved watching his Daddy riding a bike. It was all very pleasant. Family moments like this make time feel slower and breathing feel deeper. I don't feel like I am struggling to keep my head above water, but instead floating on the top.

Through Heaven's Eyes

Yesterday I was able to go to the temple with my littlest sister for the first time. Partly because it had been a while since I had been there myself, and partly because it was her first time it was a more emotional experience than usual. I was humbled by it all really. I am amazed at how quickly the human mind forgets things.

When I was a kid and we would get ants in the summer I would always complain "why do ants even exist?!" When I get bit by mosquitoes and swell up I curse their very existence. I recently have become a very good complainer about the heat, and various other uncomfortable aspects of life that come from pregnancy and being poor.

When I was at the temple I realized something though. Not that I have never thought this before but perhaps not as strong. I am a sinner. I sin, and instead of being struck down every time, I am allowed to sin and take my time and repent and learn from it. If ants and other unpleasant things are what I have to suffer, it seems I am getting the easy way out. I know that Christ suffered for me and because of me at Gethsemane. I know I am not perfect. Yet, he loves me and his grace is sufficient that if I can suffer through these trials I will have everything that I love most in this world with me forever. Jones and C and my little Toby who kicked inside me the whole time we were there.

It is far too easy for me to lose sight of all that. I am going to make a commitment to go to the temple more often so that my focus doesn't get lost on the things of this world. Because when I look at my life through Heaven's eyes it truly is wonderful.

Spoiled on Monday

The wedding is in 5 days and it is starting to be crunch time. I knew this would be the case and so I planned my time as best I could so that when Jones got back we would have some free time to just be together. He got home on saturday and we had a nice date together seeing Star Trek at the theater (awesome) and then dinner with Mateo and Christoff on sunday.
My parents air conditioning is broken and so is theirs so it was a very warm dinner, no wait hot hot dinner, and by the time I got home I felt like I could pass out from the heat. It was only Sunday and I knew I had a long week of ribbons, lemons and flowers ahead of me, how all this was going to be accomplished in the heat I had no clue. I couldn't even sleep.
I woke up Monday, later than I usually do because Jones had gotten up to take care of C bug, and then got breakfast in bed. It was the first time I ate anything but cereal for breakfast in a long time. As we were mapping out our week, Jones put getting a little window air conditioner at the top of the list. I had errands and appointments to go to, and got back exhausted, barely in time for dinner, and as I walked into our room I felt freezing cold air and saw curtains hanging from the windows, freshly vaccumed floors and clothes put away. C's room was also very tidy.
Jones had spent all day working on it, I am not sure what I did to deserve it but it was wonderful. As I went to bed monday night I thanked God for bringing Jones back to me and simple pleasures like bacon and air conditioning.

Jones

My testimony wasn't something that I stumbled upon one day. I don't have a conversion story or a pinnacle moment of change. I have just always known that God lives, that he knows who I am and that he loves me. So for me it was never really a choice, I aready believed.
When it came to love I had a very sensible approach, I knew that although it was a feeling it was also very much a choice, and that if I was going to commit to someone for time and all eternity it was a choice I would have to make everyday of my life, to love him, forever. But then there are those moments, like right now, when it doesn't feel like it is a choice. When I realize I love Jones, with everything that I am. Like I can get by with out him and put on a brave face, but I don't want to.
I have come to terms with the fact that there will be many times in our marriage that we will be seperated for unknown amounts of time. I can see the big picture and know that if we stck with it we will be together forever. But tonight as I lay here all alone, i'll cry myself to sleep and wish he was here.

Mother

Probably the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life, my greatest accomplishment, proudest moment and some of my greatest joys have come from becoming a mother. It isn't til now that I have been able to understand the sacrifice that it is to perform this sacred act. For that I am grateful to my mother, for giving me siblings to grow with, an active imagination, love for my country and knowledge of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. For letting me think I know it all, and encouraging me in my desire to be a mother myself.

Many years of mothers behind me and hopefully many more ahead.

"For this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

This could not be accomplished with out Moms. Thanks.