Shhhh, Gigi is sleeping...

The other day when I went in to get C bug out of bed, I opened the door with excitement, like I usually do (gotta start the day out right) and C quickly said "shhh Gigi is sleeping." and started patting the lump under his blanket, which as I walked closer saw that it was infact Gigi his stuffed animal giraffe. For the rest of the day he wouldn't let me turn lights on around his room and would scold me if I was too loud. I love that he is starting to play pretend. I often find him trying to brush Gigi's teeth, or give her some of his juice. He gives the same kind of attention to his cousin Ella who is a month old and lives next door. Always trying to give her a binkie, or show her his trains. As I have said before, I am so excited for him to be big brother.

Crazy Predictable, Unpredictable Life

I just got back from a fun but exhausting couple of days at my sisters house. She has a boy just a little older that C, and together the two of them can be quite a handful. They can't come within a couple feet from each without getting into a smacking contest. Keeping them apart was difficult. C gets really defensive and bossy when we are there. Whatever he sees his cousin doing he tells him not to and starts yelling at him to do something else. No one is aloud to touch other people's things, not under his watch, and under no circumstances is someone to touch or play with his Mommy. Goodness, I am so tired, and glad to be back. My sister and I will have to find ways of enjoying each others comapany that doesn't involve our little rugrats, yeah right:).
I really admire my sister in a lot of ways. It's always interesting for me to go over there and see what new project she is working on. She has a lot of interests and little things that keep her busy and make her happy. She's at a place in life where I want to be. In her own home, with food storage and space for her hobbies, a routine and plans for the year. I can't do that. Other than knowing that the baby is coming in the fall, everything is up in the air. Will Jones be going to school? Working? Where will we be living? Is he actually being deployed when they say??????????
Who knows.
Still I need to keep learning ways to find happiness in my unpredictable life,because it may never be predictable.

" I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, aweful beautiful life..."
Darryl Worley

Goofing off with Bug

Although I wish the quality of the pictures was better, the spirit is perfect. C, or Bug as we call him, had a spaz out giggle moment today, which is rare for him. Even rarer is that I was able to capture it. I like seeing him act like a kid.

Emotionally handicapped

Today I remembered why living with your parents is hard. Things have gone really smoothly with space issues, and most the things I thought would be problems haven't been. However I feel like all the emotional progress I have made on my own since moving out is slowly disappearing. As Jones puts it, my family lacks emotional vocab. They do their own thing, keep what they are really feeling to themselves and if the emotional levels reach a certain point, anger is the only one that gets out. The worst part for me is that nothing is ever resolved, life just goes on.
Growing up I felt a lot of value was put on how much I did, either around the house, in school, or in church. Yet I could never do enough. In talking with my husband i've come to realize that those feelings root from the way my Mom feels because of her relationship with my Dad, and as we all know when Mom's not happy nobody is. She probably feels like no matter what she does its not enough , even though some days she quite literally breaks her back to get things done. I don't want to seem like I am Dad bashing because he does a lot too, I just wish progress could be made and a better way of dealing with it all could be reached. Instead, I feel as though nothing has changed here, and I am losing my ability to deal with it in a healthy way. Especially because I am pregnant sick and my level of usefulness around the house is low and I am more dependant than normal, I feel my self value level dropping as well.
I don't have a lot of options due to monitary restraints, and so I am forced to stay and face my childhood fears. Maybe this is why God put us here and in the situation we are in. If so I know that this could be an opportunity for growth and self revelation, but I can't help but feel handicapped through the process. I have a hard time remembering I can't fix other peoples problems, and all I can do sometimes is work on Me and hope it rubs off.

VHS

When I was a teenager and Dvd's had officially taken over VHS, I remember packing them away and looking forward to pulling them out again when I had kids of my own। Now that C is old enough to enjoy them it has been fun reliving some these classic kid movies. His favorites change weekly but right now its The Little Mermaid, and 101 Dalmations. It's really nice to have so many options without having to spend any money. We've already gone through the Toy Story and Robin Hood phase, we'll see what it is next week.

Back for some more

I started this blog almost a year ago and haven't paid nearly enough attention to it. I probably would have just let it die, but recently Jones has gotten into Blogging and it made me remember why I started in the first place. I haven't done any kind of journal keeping since then, which is really sad cause lots of interesting stuff has gone by. Oh wells, guess I'll just have to start over again. It's hard for me to blog. I have a family of fantastic Bloggers. Makes me feel very amatuer. Plus the computer and I don't work well together. It's out to get me.

Tanya

So I have a new roomate here in tx. Her name is tanya and she has 3 kids. She is also an army wife and it's great to have some company. Things have just gone so well here and I really feel that I am where I am supposed to be. I am greatful to be around more experienced young moms and watch them with their kids. I feel like I am learning alot.