I spent a good part of this week falling apart. A Disappointing and frustrating situation with our previous landlord was the straw that broke the camels back. We were all so sick and miserable that it didn't seem like anything stood between me and sobbing.
Tober had been complaining about her eye since Monday and on Friday she woke up looking like this.
It just kept breaking my heart to see my kids as sick as I was and be equally as useless to help them as I was to help my myself. With or without insurance there seemed no way to make our situation better. With Jones and my mom gone(she is in CA for 2 weeks) the house just fell apart around us. Yesterday despite still being miserably sick, I put every ounce of will power I has into getting our house clean, disinfected, and sick free.
My body fought back giving me fits of coughing, fever and nausea, but by the end of the day I had made great progress. I put the kids to bed with gatorade, eye drops, Tylenol and a humidifier. I felt better, not physically, but spiritually.
Today I woke up determined to pick up where I left off. Fed the kids breakfast and then bathed them all while I disinfected their blankies and bedroom. I did 3 loads of laundry before 10am. Alfred cried the whole time. I didn't I kept myself together. Hugged him, told him I was sorry and put him down for a nap. Then I took a turn for the worse so I tried to sleep as well. That didn't work, Alfred just kept crying. It made me mad. I gave up on my nap and went to sit in the couch so that I wouldn't be tempted to sleep. Soon all my babies were sitting on/ around me. Alfred stopped crying.
I guess they need me, as useless and broken as I am.
Hopefully things will be better.
I am so grateful for all the family that called and gave their support. I know a lot of people care and we appreciate that so much.
I am also grateful for my kids who have been sick for weeks just like me, and although they have mini melt downs, they are loving and sweet, and even helpful.
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