Thursday, December 1, 2011

Mad at myself

I think that I have lightly mentioned that I don't feel like myself since having had third baby.
Today I wish to put it in stronger words.
I feel like a nut case.
I try to suppress the feeling but life keeps throwing it back in my face,
 that my brain isn't functioning at full capacity. 
Since Alf, our bank account has been overdrawn about 10 times and not always because we didn't have the money but because of timing or me just spacing out and paying the wrong bills at the wrong time.
We have probably paid $300 in overdraft fees, $300 we don't have!! 
Maybe this wouldn't bother me so much if the dishes were done, or I slept more than 3 hours at a time last night, but that isn't the case. 
I can't seem to be on top of anything, anything for longer than a day or two. 
It feels like "prego" brain didn't leave after I had the baby. 

It frustrating to feel like I work so hard to save our family money, and especially with Christmas coming up and all the work of homemade presents in front of me it makes me mad to know that we might not get a tree because of me.
That we can't have people over because the house is never clean.
That C had to wear Church clothes to preschool because the rest were dirty.
Alfred is almost 7 months old, I would like my sanity back now please!

Ok enough, back to suppressing the feeling.


Carrie said...

I've always thought learning the ropes after having #3 is by far the hardest time. Way harder than I have it now with 5. The reason is all 3 of yours are still so little. EVERYTHING is on YOU. Sure C can help out a little, but most likely he can't help when you really need it - like calming a screaming baby or helping with dinner or putting a load of wash in. With 5, my two oldest can do a lot more for me. I hope this reassures you that you're not alone and I promise it will get better! I know that won't help with the bank account, but maybe it will help you know that you're normal and try not to be so hard on yourself. YOu're awesome! I'm amazed at how much you DO get done - and the fact that you're attempting homemade gifts is crazy! I think I'd just go to Dollar tree. Love and hugs :)

MelancholySmile said...

Oh girl, we've all been there! Don't be so hard on yourself. Mommy brain is a temporary thing, the house can get clean another day, and money is just money. The important thing is that you love your husband and kids and you are obviously doing your best to follow the plan Heavenly Father has for you. In all honesty, I'm pretty sure you'll feel like your old self with more than 3 hours of sleep! Chin up and I love ya!

Three Lads and a Lis said...

Crystal, my friend, you are NOT alone! I feel like my life and brain function has been sucked from me since the arrival of Mary.

I recently (like 3 days ago) started running for 30 minutes every morning, the happy hormones are helping loads.

Hang in there!

Anca said...

Don't think about all the things you want and don't have, think about all the things you don't want and that you (luckily) don't have.
You are strong!

Brianne said...

I have found comfort in a study that was done, I can't remember where (probably because I'm pregnant:), that said that a woman's brain and memory, in particular, don't go back to normal until a little past a year from having a baby. So just tell yourself it's chemistry and do the best you can. That helps me to sometimes laugh at my foibles as well. Just remember, especially at these tender young ages, usually the feeling bad about not having all the normal stuff for Christmas is more you feeling bad than your children feeling bad. They have no clue. They are just happy to have you around all the time:)