A Postpartum body

{Photos by hAha}

Today we are getting up close..

And personal with how I feel about my postpartum body.

I got my stretch marks when I was pregnant with C, I tried the lotions but nothing helped. After He was born, and I looked down at my literally shredded stomach I felt a sort of pride for them and what I had just been through. 

I call them my Tiger stripes. 

They are soft and opalescent.

 They are not the only thing that is soft.

I laugh because my belly button is a good 3 inches higher than it use to be.

Over the last five years I have been pregnant or nursing for over four of them.

I have been through five sizes of clothing {and bras!}, and in very different stages of physical fitness. 

This body, in comparison to where it was 3 weeks ago, is great.

It can eat without heartburn, go half a day with out having to pee, walk without pain, and many other wonderful things, 

But this body doesn't quite feel like me.

You would think since this is my third time doing this I would have it figured out but I am still learning.

I am learning things like how to dress this body.

How to share my body with the whole family, and still feel like it's mine!

 I am learning to be ok with the pudge and that I can be sexy and beautiful in my own way.

This body is not my body. This is me healing.

And it will heal, mostly, leaving a little that will never really go away. Something to remember the experience by, but it will be strong again.

I will be me again.

Until then I will just find a way to remember to celebrate this body, and all that it has done, bringing me my little ones. This is a sacrifice I am willing to make so that I can have my family. 

I am living my dream :)

Tober gets a haircut

Today has been a wonderful relaxing day.

I cut Tober's hair into a cute little bob. 

It was getting a little out of control

 We mostly lazied about all day, but Jones and the tots played in the backyard a little while dinner was made.

 My handsome husband in front of our beautiful Lilac tree.

 This is what Tober does whenever I try and get a picture of her, she runs up to the camera and says "cheese!" which means we get lots of goofy close ups. :)

Have plans to eat lots of good food and hang out with family tomorrow , should be great fun.

3 weeks

 Alfy is 3 weeks old today.

He is been a bit of a fusspot lately.

Only happy if he is being held, and even then only happy 50% of the time.

I call  this his " I don't know about this whole earth thing..." look.

C made that look all the time.

So far at 3 weeks I can say Alfy is a bit timid, likes to be cuddled and bundled more than being open and free, and of course rocking or bouncing is the best. He loves to follow my voice with his eyes. He doesn't make as happy of faces as Tober did, and not nearly as terrified as C. He will take a binky but isn't in love with it. He has a handsomeness that makes me smile. My favorite thing is when I hold him on my chest and rub my cheek against his uber soft hair.

Sometimes I look at him and already feel a sadness that one day He won't be my baby anymore, so I give him an extra few kisses while I still can.

His eyebrows and lashes are blonde which makes me think he will lose his darkness and be a bit more toe headish like his sister. Both C and Tobster inherited their Daddy's super long lashes, but Alfy's are short and stumpy.

There are times, like right now when I can't put him down without hearing the crying, that there is no magic in holding him, but there are still those times when I pick him up and realize just how amazing and wonderful he is and how happy I am he is here with us. 

Tell me no lies..

Watching TV this week I simply could not get over the many lies I was told about so called "Amazing" people.

It is one thing to love an artist for their art, but as Reality TV grows so does the list of Stars who are famous simply for being on TV, usually doing something shocking or extreme, but having few if any admirable qualities.

Two examples

Lady Gaga.

Amazing voice.

very talented.

People call her brave and fearless, because there isn't anything she wouldn't do.

Sometimes when someone stands for Everything, they really stand for nothing. 

Her attempts to represent individual worth are hollow to me because of it. As I am typing this I watched her performance on the American Idol finale, She basically reenacts having sex on the stage. It is just vulgar.

2nd

NeNe Leakes from the real housewives, but was also on the Celebrity Apprentice.

The words I have heard used to describe her are "great" and "fun"

I have never seen a clip of her when She wasn't fighting. 

Fighting isn't even the right word, because that implies it was 2 way, and sometimes it is, but  when its not its is just plain bullying. 

I have been treated that way a few times in my life and it was horrifying.

There was nothing great or fun about it.

Yet She has fans simply for doing this.

That just makes me sad.

On the flip side

This past season of survivor I was impressed by one contestant named Matt, who to me was brave and fearlessly professed his faith and showed strength in a rough situation touching the lives of his fellow contestants.

Or on Dancing with the Stars, 

Star Romeo talked a lot about the importance of being a good role model and about dreaming big and working hard to achieve your dreams. I thought He was a gentleman, and showed manners. What!someone actually can control their actions on tv! impossible.

Who we are is how we behave ourselves, and the more it becomes culturally acceptable to behave however we want without consequence or responsibility for those actions the more I find myself wanting to take a stand against it and say it is not ok. 

We don't have to perfect, I don't expect tv to be, but we could strive to be a little better than downright awful, and please no more hero worshiping of such unheroic people.

Juggling

My life is a juggling act.

having a third child means coming up short sometimes.

Today I was in the middle of a "stinky" Tober diaper change, when Alf started a pretty extreme cry from his car seat. We had just gotten home from taking my Mom to the airport. {miss you already!}

He had to cry, and cry until I was finished with what I was doing.

That was one of many times today that I had to ignore one child to help another.

There are moments as a Mom when all I can see are my short comings, 

But there are also times when I am stronger than I thought I could be.

When I see my children happy and carefree, and able to learn and grow in an environment where you can  tell they know they are safe and loved, I know its ok that we didn't eat dinner til 8, or that C watched way too much tv.  

I had a pretty busy day filled with chores that had to happen. Meaning I was out most of the day with 3 kids by myself for the first time. It started with a trip to the airport and back, and ended with a trip to city hall to pay a water bill so that the water didn't get shut off. 

It could have been a high stress day, but everything that needed to happen happened, and when we were done we took the hose into the backyard and just played in the water, cooling off from what was a very hot day.

Jones is off helping his brother Buckshot with his film. I miss him, and miss Pipsta, looking forward to this all being done so we can hang out as much as possible before they leave for Hawaii for 3 weeks.

Also hoping to get in a photo shoot with hAha to capture Alfy's newborness before it disappears forever. 

Like I said, my life is a juggling act.

Bed time

I am super sleepy. I should nap. Tober is awake though so I probably won't.

Plus I have things that need to be taken care of by the end of today and I don't think I will be able to fully relax until they are.

Speaking of relaxing, I am ready to add some more love to our bedroom, in the form of bedding. Our bedroom once again is the last room to be put together, and always the first room clutter gets put into!!

I want it to be a much more relaxing place than it is.

I am huge fan of these pillowcases from Urban Outfitters. 

More Urban bedding

I don't currently have the funds to buy anything right now, but I do have plenty of white sheets I could turn into pillow cases, oh wait my machine is still busted, grrr.

Now that Jones is staying put, we have to figure out where to put his clothing more permanently, and just make more room for him in general in our tiny bedroom that is also doubling as my craft space. I am up for the challenge, I think. Until then his stuff can just sit in random piles, like it has for the past 3 months.

Super Sunday

Hope you are having a Super weekend.

{Quick, not perfect felt and yarn mask to go with the cape Aunt Chelsea made C. Not every craft has to be amazing to make your child happy :) }

This week was a really beautiful one.

The weather was great, and so was the company. 

My Mom leaves on Tuesday, and I am sure going to miss the help, although it will be nice for it to be just our family again.

Thanks again Mom and Dad for all you have done for us. 

We love you.

And like C said in his prayer last night "may grandpa come back soon!"

Late at Night

Sometimes when I am up late my thoughts get a voice of their own. I start to think with the sound of someone else's voice, does that ever happen to you.

Tonight it is a Mr. Incredible voice. You know the line in the movie when he is running through the jungle with his wife and he says " You keep trying to pick a fight, but I am just happy your'e alive" In that tone I just thought, as Alfy is struggling so hard to keep his eyes open, " You keep trying to stay awake, but I'd be perfectly happy to fall asleep" 

Hmmm I guess you have to hear it.

2 weeks

Alfy is 2 weeks old.

The older He gets the more He has a presence in our family life. 

This morning I have the house to myself and the kids, which has been unusual since my parents have been in town. My Mom should be back any minute from dropping my Dad off at the airport, and Jones should be back from his night out.

He spent the last 2 nights camped out in front of REI with Sbug.

It is the Olympia's REI grand opening and they are giving out prizes.

hAha sent me this pic this mornin' 

I love it, totally reminds me of  dating Jones.

It is good that he still gets the opportunity to play with his brothers every now and then.

Spending time alone with the kids gives me a chance to figure out how the heck I am going to do this 3 kid thing. It is 11 and only one of us has eaten breakfast. Alfy is just now starting to crash but he has been pretty fussy this morning. 

Good thing We have no where we need to be, we can take all the time we need.

Take me out to the ball game

Tonight my Mom and Dad are taking Jones and the kids to the Mariners vs. Angels Baseball game in Seattle.

Super jealous.

Can't wait to hear how the kids liked it, definitely one of my favorite past times.

Right now Tober is taking a nap and I had planned on doing the same but Alfy is a wide awake, cute boy.

The best kind of bad news

Jones will not be deploying.

He is being transferred back to his unit up here. 

He is not leaving. :)

What next?

Who knows.

Tober and her Lovies

Last night as we were getting ready for bed Jones got hold of the camera and got some great shots of the kids.

This is what the inside of Tober's crib looks like.

I call them her Lovies. As long as She has been able to wrap her arms around them, She has loved stuffed animals and dolls.

It doesn't matter if she has twenty in there, if any one isn't She is not going to be happy til it is in bed with her.

 and of course some of her favorites, Buzz and Woody.

 This a picture he took of bug trying to get his jammas on super fast so he can keep playing on Grandpa's iphone.

And then there was Alfy, happily laying in his mama's arms, looking around at his daddy.

I love bedtime. Bedtime is family time.

C and his "messages"

Ever since my Mom got here 3 weeks ago, C has been texting messages to my family.

He loves to write and so of course loves to type.

Last night as I was looking up stuff online, and just finished typing in the word camping in the search bar, C asked if He could type his name. I said sure.

This is what he typed.

camping clark mommy you thomas the end baby grandma tober look book boat cook  shoe toby apple hi carecar zoo oiuytgh up tucker

I helped him with shoe and apple but the rest was all him.

It is an obsession right now. 

Time to take advantage of his interest and continue teaching him to read!!

***

Jones has been around enough now that it is beginning to feel like He is never leaving.

I find myself getting excited and looking forward to dates like June 24th, when Cars 2 comes out and thinking We might get to see it as a Family.

If He doesn't deploy We will have an interesting road ahead of us, financially, and trying to figure out a way for Jones to go to school, but it also means He is here.

Here with me.

Here with his kids.

It has been so wonderful to be a whole family.

All 5 of us :)

Birthday!!

Happy Birthday Little Cus!

Can't believe a year ago you looked like this.

Sweet boy, thanks for being part of the family.

1 week old!

Good Morning Alfy!

 One week ago today you were born! You are awesome and We love ya.

You are such a handsome boy, We all think so.

I love that I can part your hair on the side. 

 I love that Tober cake brings you your binky and toys.

I love that C colors you pictures and tells you stories.

{see the giant puffy thing in the bottom left corner, thats a stuffed ape tober loves to bring him}

The weather is beautiful today so we went on a walk down to Nana and Bopa's, The yelnats came out to play and Cort and Pip stopped by too!! it was awesome. I love that We all live that close to each other.

On a side note, Here is a pic of Alfy's first time in his carseat, so teeny tiny!

In Tober news about 2 weeks before the baby came Tober started talking up a storm, saying almost everything we said to her "juice, more, chair, I want some too, 1.2.3.go!" It is adorable and so much fun.

C is spelling all kinds of words, He colors everyday and adds new words to his repertoire all the time

My kiddos are all changing so fast. They amaze me with their smarts, sweetness, stubbornness, and their willingness to love me, even when I am grouchy with no sleep.

P.S. Just watched this video link again on Melancholy Smile's bloggum, It's of our family this time last year. Can't believe how much we have all changed. Good times.

Day 3

 Ok I know I might be a little biased but this kid sure is cute.

  He is amazing and I am lovin every minute of him.

What I am not so much lovin is the fact that all the adrenaline from birth has worn off leaving every single part of my body sore and aching {but I felt so good yesterday!?!}

At least my body is my body again, and although it hurts and feels quite broken, I know it doesn't last forever. It will heal and become strong again.

Until then I will just lay in bed and look at this. :)