Hello, Goodbye, Hello, Goodbye

"A name, What's in a Name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."

From the first moments of our relationship Jones and I tossed around baby names. We knew from the beginning that we were not just starting a relationship but a Family. Before I had met him I had names I liked but the more we grew as a couple the more certain names started to stick. One name in particular, October. I knew she would be coming to our family. When the ultrasound for our first child revealed to us it was a boy, I still knew a girl would come one day, and when she did We would name her October. C was also a name that came to us, and we knew it was meant for him. I don't know if it is because I like to control my future or just because I am a dreamer but I have the names picked for all our potential children. I have dreamt about them for 4 years. Two down, three more to go, and as Tober gets older my excitement for our next child already grows each day. Their names are J.Lee, D.C, and Atticus Scott. {the first two are abbreviations}

Today Colt y Pip brought home their gorgeous new little baby boy, he is soft, sweet and smells soooo good. With joy they announced that his name is Atticus L.

My heart dropped a little. It quickly picked back up in my excitement for them. The inspiration for the name came from the same place as mine. To Kill a Mocking bird, he is named after the father in the story. They plan on calling him L. and the name fits him well. {hey that rhymes}I didn't think much about it again until I laid my head down on my pillow to fall asleep and I couldn't. The image kept flashing through my head of the little boy named Atticus who for 4 yrs. I thought would some day join our family. I began to cry. I felt stupid. There was never a guarantee we would even have another boy, and even if we did his name would be D.C. We would have to have 3 boys before the name would be used, still I couldn't shake it.

I got up out of bed to jot down this post. Stupid or not it is what I am feeling.

So I just wanted to say Goodbye to the Atticus who will never be mine, Hello to the Atticus, who snuck in to my family another way and to that little boy possibly waiting up there in heaven, YOU can still be mine even if your name is yet to be determined.

With love,
TheSpanishlady

Hopefully now I can go to sleep :)