Pregnancy

Me and Jones, 5 months pregnant with C.

My 2 sisters who live by me, prego with their boys.

Me prego with Tober at 8 months.

I have been thinking a lot about pregancy lately. Probably because 50% of the people I know right now are pregnant, or just had a baby. I want another baby. My body is already giving me all the go ahead signs. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. There is excitement and an overwhelming happiness at the thought of our family growing. Then there is also fear. I am not the same person when I am pregnant. Although I love having a little person growing inside of me, my body tends to react by throwing up a lot. I have a lot of pre labor which makes me completely useless that last month. I resent not having a body that can run and play with my son. I feel guilty for not being able to be strong, for not just pushing through my physical discomfort. I see other pregnant Women who manage to keep excersizing and eating almost the same as they did before and I wish that I could be pregnant like that. I think "it's not fair". Then I see the other side of the spectrum, Women like my Sister in law who suffers from Depression and look at the sacirfice she makes everytime she decides to bring another child into this world. She is willing to risk her emotional, mental, and physical well being, and it is a risk. She suffers so much and all so that a precious little one can join their family.

I am scared to be pregnant again. I tell myself it has to get better each time, right? I always said that Heavenly Father "blesses" us with the ability to forget how bad labor and pregnancy is, and the desire to do it again. He's got me, I want a baby, and I know when I am ready, I will be willing to make that sacrifice again. Besides I still have time to prepare and enjoy my body while it is healthy, and all mine.